Tantra Articles

ARE WOMEN ALIENS?

MEN DONT WASTE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY WISHING YOUR WOMAN BEHAVES DIFFERENTLY

WOMEN ATTRACT BY NATURE!!!

You may laugh, but a lot of men don’t get it! That while women can operate very much like men in the workplace, in roles as leaders, negotiators and managers, in relationships women are often very different to men. Men love the difference and that’s why they are so attracted in the first place.  However after a few months or years of relationship disharmony and conflict creeps in and can lead a man to think that his partner is ALIEN!

One significant reason why your partner might get upset is that you don’t give her enough loving attention. She might feel that her attractiveness is not being appreciated.

Understanding this may help you to stop arguing when, for example, your partner spends lots of money on things that you don’t feel is necessary. There is no use rationalising and arguing that she buys something new for your home, or a new dress or shoes are a waste of good money.

She is not interested; she does not hear you. It is as though you are communicating with an alien. Indeed, it has helped me considerably in my relationship to accept that in some ways women are aliens. They often have different priorities.

If I look at it this way, then my partner’s behaviour does not always have to make sense to me. It’s a great relief because I used to spend a lot of time trying to figure women out.

Female behaviour does not have to make sense to a man.

For example on a practical level, some women will want to buy a new outfit and shoes whenever there’s a special occasion coming up. Women always seem to be buying shoes anyway, even when there isn’t any special event on the horizon! You may reason: she’s got plenty of clothes, so why can’t she just be like you simply put on her best shirt or jacket. It doesn’t make sense! If she was more like you she won’t spend as much money!

Just remember that it’s okay because she’s an alien, and that’s what these aliens do! If you don’t believe that feeling attractive is a big issue for women, then test it out by forgetting to comment when your partner buys some new clothes or goes to the hairdresser. Better still, tell her she wasted her money and the hairstyle doesn’t suit her. Then watch what happens for the next few days.

You partner will often interpret and approach situations very differently to you, whether this is a social, family, medical, educational, recreational or sexual.

Don’t look at the differences between men and women as a problem. The trick here is don’t try to understand why, or always try to change her mind. The key is to look at them as an opportunity to expand the ways you communicate your presence and your loving attention. Be creative and find ways of acknowledging her attractiveness, whether that is by appreciating her appeance, her creativity, her skills or her core nature.

When I bring flowers home for Diane, when I tell her I love her again and again in different ways,  even though she already knows it, I am empowered, I feel good every time.

You can choose to see difference as an opportunity rather than as a problem, a possibility for you both to win and feel good in your relationship.

By Kerry Riley: Tantra Master, www.tantragoddessdirectory.com.au

Tantra Sex and Spirit!  Indian Sunday Magazine (Summer 2011-12 Newletter)

Febuary 2011: Secrets for a Healthy Relationship

August 2010: Like a Virgin?

March 2010: Listening to your Heart


Author:  Diane Riley,

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August 2010: Like a Virgin? – By Diane Riley (Founder Australian School of Tantra)

Aphrodite also known as the ‘golden goddess’, not only because of her beauty, but also because she radiated love and sensuality. This ‘golden glow of Aphrodite’, is a description of a love that is pure, a love not tainted by the desires of the ego or games of power.
It is, instead, a love that springs from a woman’s true sexual essence. Aphrodite did not exploit love for her own ego or for power and money.

Like a glorious sun, she shone down upon their culture and blessed it with the arts of sculpture, poetry and music. Nothing delights her more than the gratification of the senses by beautiful means.

Aphrodite often reveals herself to us when we first are in love and thereafter every time we have a sensual experience. Most young women experience the ‘golden glow of Aphrodite’ when they feel the early flush of love, holding hands with, or kissing a boyfriend.

Aphrodite was considered virginal, even though she had many lovers and, clearly, this had nothing to do with a physical state, but more with her inner attitude. Aphrodite is a woman who is true to herself, to her own intuition and emotions, not reliant on the approval of others. She enjoys sensuality for its own sake, and when she shares an experience of lovemaking, it is for the celebration of the divine energy of passion and attraction. (It is not for the manipulative games and trade-offs that so often happen within modern realtionships.)
I used to share a joke with my teenage daughters and some of their friends, telling them that even though I had three children, I was a virgin! They thought I was a little strange, but humoured me. I would explain that my sexuality belonged to me, not someone else, and told them what ‘virgin’ could also mean. I encouraged them to talk about the notion that their sexuality belonged to them, making it clear that virginity didn’t necessarily have anything to do with whether they had had sex or not. Rather, it was about sex being their choice, and not something they were pressured or obligated to do. They could follow their inner guidance. Belong to no man! I encouraged the idea that our sexuality belongs to ourselves, for now, and forever. (Diane Riley – Sexy and Sacred)

March 2010 Newsletter: Listening to your Heart – By Satyo Cate Sullivan (guest facitiator Womens Tantra  Retreat  April 23-25 2010)

“The key to discovering the fulfilment that love can give us is to begin to listen to these messages. It is so easy when going about everyday life, managing, coping, and achieving, to either switch off from the heart or stay tuned in on a very surface level. If we do this too much we may find ourselves wondering why we feel dissatisfied, frustrated, restless, bored, and empty. Often this is because we are not listening in to those messages from the heart.

One way to get to know your own heart’s messages is to stop and write down the following sentence and see how you want to finish it. Keep writing this sentence each time, saying it to yourself and, without thinking it out, see what you write. The sentence is “Something my heart enjoys is …..”Just let the simple everyday things come to you as well as anything grandiose. Try not to write what you think your heart should enjoy. One of the joys of this experiment is to let yourself be surprised!!!

If it helps, put your hand on your heart beforehand for a minute to connect with it. Here are some examples I wrote:

“Something my heart enjoys is sitting at the computer writing …. (Now I didn’t expect that!)

“Something my heart enjoys is sensuous playful love making”

“Something my heart enjoys is receiving letters.”

“Something my heart enjoys is partaking in consciousness work.”

“Something my heart enjoys is listening to music by Vivaldi.”

“Something my heart enjoys is being with my goddaughter.”

“Something my heart enjoys is quality time to connect deeply with my lover”

“Something my heart enjoys is creating a beautiful place.”

Some things in life one passionately enjoys and others, just quietly so, but let your mind wander over a wide spectrum of experiences so you become familiar with the many ways your heart can resonate. A variation of this sentence you might like to try is “Something that touches my heart is …..” This can open to other realms of the heart. You can experiment with these sentences again at other times. You will come up with some new heartfelt insights each time. You may also want to consider how much space you are providing for yourself in your everyday life for what resonates with your heart.

There are some simple ways to know when your heart is sending some message to you. It is happening all the time but sometimes we forget how to listen. It is often in the ordinary moments of everyday life that it is happening. A feeling of warmth, an unexpected smile, tears or a sparkle coming to the eyes, an uplifting sense of joy, a wanting to share, often these symptoms are indicators that your heart is saying something, like “Yes, I like this person”, “I feel right in this situation”, “I like walking by the sea right now, I’ll do it a bit longer”, “I love this music, it makes me feel good”, “I am moved by this situation.”, “I need to connect with my friend”. These are the times to listen, not necessarily to act on the messages, but to get to know what your own heart is saying to you and what it feels like to experience it. Sometimes we may want to dismiss messages from the heart because the society we have created is not exactly conducive to some of its feelings. We may feel embarrassed, shy, foolish, scared, even overwhelmed by some of the feelings in the heart, depending on the situation we are in, but if we do not listen to some of its messages we can become cut off, tough, superficial or just end up creating lives that do not give us what we truly need. For example our heart may be sending us messages of attraction towards a person but that person does not fit our head’s ideal of the “right” person for us. We may miss out on a wonderful opportunity!

As you listen to the heart more you realise that it can experience many different states of being. These states can add richness, a fuller dimension to life. The heart knows joy, passion, tenderness, innocence, wonder, yearning, delight, devotion, gratitude, compassion. To taste at least some of these states of being can give a deep sense of fulfilment. Many people, the more they experience love in their lives, say “Oh, this is what life is all about!” When they get caught up and lost in the humdrum of daily living they remember to stop and listen in again to the heart. A way you can do this is to be still, focus on the area of your heart and be aware of one or two feelings that are there in that moment. Sometimes, when doing this, you may become aware of your own needs for the nourishment that a loving heart can give you. And you can provide this for yourself, seeing what your needs are in that moment, running yourself a luxurious bath, asking your lover to caress you, sitting for a while with a cup of tea or ringing a friend for a chat. You may tune in and find your heart feels full to overflowing and want to share that in some way making love, writing a letter, inviting someone over for dinner. You may just want to be present with whatever feeling is in the heart and sit and be with it, maybe lighting a candle or playing some music or you may want to take yourself out and walk somewhere you enjoy.

Sometimes when you listen to the heart there can also be feelings of wistfulness, poignancy, sadness or grief. We all have these feelings. They are part of loving and the longing for love. Allowed to be there, in a situation that feels comfortable for you, and experienced in a state of gentle compassion for yourself, they open another dimension to the love that is in the heart. They bring there own gifts. Listening to the heart is not some gooey, Iovey, dovey state. It can be nitty gritty. It brings height, breadth and depth to our lives and to our interactions with others.

Listening to the heart is enriching to your life whether you have or do not have a lover. Often it feels like we won’t know love and the warmth of the heart until someone comes and loves us. But the more you get to know how to listen to your own heart and discover its qualities the more you see how much love you have inside you already. Love is there in each of us. If you are alone at this time in your life, your sense of wellbeing will be greatly enhanced. If you do meet, or are already with a beloved, you find that, by each being in touch with your own heart you have so much more to share and explore together.

Author:  Diane Riley,

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Feb 20101: Sustainable relationships, is it possible or will there be meltdown?  2010

Around the globe we are experiencing a growing awareness of the importance of honouring the sacred balance on our planet and in our relationships to the living world around us, in order to live sustainably and in harmony with our environment. I feel it is natural to extend this concept to a most fundamental aspect of our lives – sexuality.’

In certain ancient cultures sexuality and spirituality were entwined. Although not lost completely, ancient philosophies such as Tantra were known by few, and as time went on sex became a taboo subject in many western cultures. The world changed again however, as is the nature of evolution, and attitudes towards sex opened. Sex, a subject so widely broadcast, with unfathomable commercial influence, has now itself been significantly influenced by the consumer world. The physical aspects of sex seem to be intimated in everything we see and do, but perhaps this period of overt sexuality has reached its extreme. No extreme is sustainable, the edge has been found and maybe it is time to turn back.

Sexuality and its expression so often mimicks what is happening in society. Sexually repressed and inhibited during the Victorian era; free, rebellious and reactive in the swinging 60s; dynamic, aggressive and stereotypically male in the 80s; overt, provocative and material in the 90s and beyond.

What will come next? Now is the age of greater awareness and presence, a reconnection to the very things that give us life, of more sustainable living. Our sexuality will undoubtedly be influenced by that too.

The need to reconnect with all that is around us is more commonplace now. The selfish, consumeristic attitudes of recent history are no longer acceptable. In 2009, sex remains an influence in most facets of the consumer world. The trouble is, when anything is mass produced it is cheapened, with few exceptions. Sex is no different. We are overstimulated, overexposed to everything. Overexposed to sex, overwhelmed by choices, and simultaneously losing the true connection with God, spirit, nature, the source of life. People are looking for change.

The innate need to profoundly connect makes us less tolerant now of nonchalance, superficiality and experiences based solely on the physical, the material. We are recognising the need for sustainable practice, and why shouldn’t that extend to our fundamental selves and the way we relate to each other? There are a growing number of people bringing more awareness to their lives, a greater presence to all that they do. A resurgence of the art of sacred sex may just come from our need not only to reconnect, but to sustain that connection.

The word Tantra means to manifest, to expand and to weave. In the tantric sense, sex is thought to expand conciousness, weaving together the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god Shiva) and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess Shakti), into one, a harmonious whole. Tantra, as a philosophy, arose in India more than 6,000 years ago, as a rebellion against organised religion that proclaimed sex should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment.

Diane and Kerry Riley were at the forefront of bringing Tantric philosophy and practice to Australia. Together for 30 years, dividing their time between Byron Bay and Sydney, they have each written books on sacred sex and co-created a DVD. They teach courses worldwide on sex, love and relationships and believe that sacred sex can not only be integrated into modern relationships but must be if relationships have a real chance of maturation.

Kerry says, ‘Not dissimilar to the beginnings of yoga, Tantra in its early days was quite religious, esoteric and somewhat elitist, accessible to just a few. Diane and I wanted to make sacred sex more accessible. We ourselves have three children, both run businesses, we had to learn how to integrate it into our real lives. Yoga is now accessible to everyone, and in so many different facets, and Tantra is similar in that way.’

Diane agrees, ‘Modern Tantra is hard to define. In its true essence it is a perspective on life. It’s attitude is one of acceptance, inclusion and expansion. It can be inclusive of current sexual practice and expanding on that, being open to everything.’

Diane says that it has even been described as broadly as anything that doesn’t harm anyone emotionally, physically or spiritually. ‘During my teaching, I often remind young girls that their sexual energy is precious, like a garden, only invite someone who will respect and admire it, not someone who will trample on it.’

The Rileys believe sacred sex is when mind, body and spirit are intertwined. If the mind is only concerned with the physical outcome of, for instance, orgasm, then it is likely the sex will take on aspects of a performance, the destination becomes more significant than the journey. Kerry says that the mind creates the experience, therefore if you are totally present and believe the union to be a special one, that your partner is a god or goddess, then the sex will be a sacred experience, connecting you both to each other and to a higher plane.

He adds, ‘There seems to be no polarity between the sexes now. It is more than acceptable now for a woman to be sexy, but this has reached extreme levels and many have become more male in their attitude towards sex. And some males have lost what it means to be a man. But I think it’s great we have gone to this extreme, because it has now allowed us to come back again. To have the perfect union there needs to be yin and yang, both partners need to tune into their true essence but also be in touch with the opposite energy that exists in themselves too.’

Diane adds, ‘What it is to be a sexy woman has been affected by a growing commercialisation of female sexuality and sometimes influenced by the male stereotype of sexual behaviour. For most women, the quality of their sexual experience is tightly linked with the level of emotional intimacy they feel with their partner. Kerry and I like to examine how lovers can develop and enhance heartfelt connections between them. Many people are incorporating more relaxed and adventurous attitudes towards sex and their own sexuality. Sacred sex is about bringing more soulfulness to sexual intimacy.

LIKE A VIRGIN?

Aphrodite was also known as the ‘golden goddess’, not only because of her beauty, but also because she radiated love and sensuality. This ‘golden glow of aphrodite’ is a description of a love that is pure, a love not tainted by the desires

Secrets for a Healthy Relationship

An article on love, sex and relationships, workshop facilitators KERRY & DIANE Riley expose old myths in regard to relationships, and share ways in which to create harmony through a unique Bonding Process they have developed.

Close Loving relationships provide the potential for the highest lovemaking. It is worth working on your relationship if you want to open up to more possibilities in the area of your lovemaking, because as your relationship grows deeper and sex get better. There is nothing better than having a fabulous sexual experience with the person whom you love the most in life. Sex can be fabulous out-of-relationship, but it can be even more fabulous with a person who deeply loves and trusts you because then you have the intimacy as well as the sexual passion.

It is important to point out that relationships in their current form in our society are not working. Statistics show that in Western societies more than fifty percent of married couples get divorced. Once we fall in love, we get married and take a vow to honour and love each other forever, in sickness and in health. Even though we may truly hope for this at a time, the evidence is that fairytale marriages are rare. Yet deep down many people still expect this to happen for them, and when it doesn’t, they get deeply hurt.

If, on the other hand, we had been conditioned to accept and honour “serial monogamy” as the norm, then we wouldn’t put such pressure on ourselves or our partner to be happily married and in love for a lifetime.

In Challenge of the Heart, by John Welwood, it is pointed out that “ no earlier society has ever tried, much less succeeded at, joining together romantic love, sex , and marriage in a single institution”. In traditional societies it was normal for marriages to be arranged by the families. Happiness was not the goal of marriage, which was more to do with family lineage and property. Feelings of love were never considered a season a reason for marriage. Marriage for love was not attempted until the 19th century. However, it was regarded as degrading for women in Victorian times to have sexual feelings, so men often had sex with prostitutes.

It’s important to understand the impact of this, to understand that you are a pioneer, one of the first of mankind throughout history to even attempt to combine love, sex and marriage. No wonder you have difficulties. It’s not simply to do with you and your partner’s inadequacies. It’s a hug challenge and there is very little education on how to combine all this for a lifetime together.

The emphasis on individualism in our society, on “doing your own thing”’ can work against marriage. Many couples who have gone off on their own personal growth paths separately from each other often find it difficult to integrate that individual growth in a supportive way in their marriage. I’m not suggesting that personal growth work should not be done. It is most important, but if you have done a lot of that, it’s time to create a balance between your individual needs and the needs of your relationships as a whole. Go to groups that support your loving relationship.

I believe people are genuinely wanting to end the battle of the sexes and enter into a joint journey of personal growth and sexual, emotional and spiritual fulfilment. We are entering what you could call the “We Generation”, as opposed to the preceding “Me Generation”, and this is happening on a global level. We need all the education we can get to make our relationship work, so I hope you will try some of the secrets I share with you.

Give your relationship high priority

Diane my wife and I have decided to maintain sexual passion and a loving bond throughout our lives together, se we put a lot of time, energy and care into our relationship. We treat it as a very special entity. It is more important than each of our lives. It takes something we work on as team-mates, continually creating more and more love in our lives. It takes something more powerful than hoping, wishing or desiring, it takes a lifetime commitment.

In the initial stages of most relationships when men and women meet and fall in love, there is lots of love and energy and intimacy, lots of lovemaking and lots of passion. Then, after a period of time, many couples lose it. The Hite Report states that85 per cent of women say that after two years of being in a relationship or marriage they love their husbands but are no longer “ In love” with them. Some couples will say to Diane and me: “we still have sex, our passion comes occasionally, but it seems to have lost its sizzle, it’s lost its juice. The intimacy and the opening that we used to feel in our hearts when we first met isn’t really there anymore…”

There is a school of though that believes: “Well that’s natural, that’s what happens”. Diane and I believe it is natural and it is what happens – unless couples consciously choose to continue to create love and passion in their relationships. This is possible, but it requires a decision that this is something that you dearly want in your lives, something that you treasure, something that you believe will give you more from life than anything else.

Above everything else, we all want love. We can go through life and gain a lot of things materially and socially, but if we miss out on love then we will have missed the most important thing in life.  The woman with whom you have chosen to live your life – your beloved – is the one you have allowed to get closest to you, and through her you have the potential to feel even more love in this lifetime. A lot of couples make a common error. They put more energy into their career, their family, their sport and their interests than into their relationship. They expect their relationship will progress satisfactorily while they get on with their so-called much more important things. They do not realise that by supporting and nurturing their primary relationship, they will be able enhance and give more energy and creativity to all these other pursuits and relationships.

In other words, make an agreement to treat your relationship a high priority and put in the energy necessary to support that decision.

Creating harmony when you don’t see eye to eye

The truth is that no matter how much we want our relationship to run smoothly, disharmony still occurs. We get out of sync with our partner. We have disagreements, we argue and sometimes we get angry and hurt and say things to our partner that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemy.

What can we do about disharmony? First we need to have the right attitude. If we have the attitude that conflict should not occur, then we are always going to be under stress. Conflict is a part of growth and does occur in a healthy relationship. Very often the closer we get to our beloved, the more conflicts arise, se we need to develop the attitude, as we confront uncomfortable situations together, that although it can be painful, it is an opportunity to grow closer together.

Many people have the attitude that a good relationship must always be smooth and controlled, so they are unhappy and disappointed with their marriage when it doesn’t happen like that. They spend a lot of energy covering up the disharmony from others and they cover it up from each other until it gets out of control, and then the whole relationship explodes. So the first thing to have in your relationship is the understanding that disharmony is part of a healthy relationship, that it’s natural. Loving couples strive for the joy of becoming closer and closer together.

They want union, but along with union comes dependence which can make a man feel that he is allowing a woman to hold power over him. Men don’t want to have to depend on women; to some men this is dependence threatens their sense of masculinity and they resent it. Many women also resent feeling dependent on men and this creates an ongoing struggle for power and independence.

That is why lovers will always go on fighting. The fight is simply a way to show each other they are still independent.

It is important not to blame each other because this is something that happens between male and female energies. Don’t take it personally and don’t hurt the other for doing what is part of the man-woman relationship game.

If we are to move forward in our relationship, we must learn to let go and not carry bad energy around with us for hours or sometimes days. Some of us hang onto our disagreements for weeks. We must learn to let them go, but how do we do this?

Shutting off and walking out of the room is basically heading for a hug fight. You must discuss the issue. If at some point you do head out of the room, make sure you come back and be open to talk. However, discussing it while you are in a high state of resentment can be difficult and could perhaps lead to more disharmonies.

What should you do in these situations? The first step is to let go of having to be right and having to prove her wrong, and go into the bonding process.

The Bonding Process

Diane and I use a practice in our marriage called the Bonding Process. Many teachers of sexual loving teach similar exercises. It includes stopping the talking when you realise it’s not going anywhere and agreeing to physically connect your bodies.

It is important that you and your partner have agreed to do this in times of conflict. This process will help to keep sexual passion and loving bond alive in your relationship. You should make a prior agreement to partake in the process always. So when one asks the other, even though you may not want to, you will agree to say “yes”. It is not based on whether you want to, it is based on a decision you have made in your relationship which you have both agreed to honour no matter what – “to keep sexual passion and loving bond between you alive.”

Never refuse to honour this agreement because if you do you threaten the issue of trust in your relationship. Your partner has trusted you enough to drop the argument and ask for harmony. This I affirming that your relationship is more important than ego, more important than being right in this particular issue.

Suppose it is you who lets go first. You could say. “This is not getting us anywhere. I want to be in harmony with you. I want to do the Bonding Process. We can discuss this later when we are not so upset. Let’s put our bodies together.” The steps in the Bonding Process are as follows:

Step 1:

Take up the nurturing position. You (the requesting partner in this case) lie on your back while your partner lies besides you and rests her head on your chest. Place your right arm around her in a nurturing manner. She places her right hand on your heart chakra and you put your left hand on top of hers. Bend your right knee and place it between her legs, touching her sexual centre. Her right leg is bent over yours so her knee touches your genital area.

This connects your heart centre. Where you can open to give and receive love again, with your sexual centre, which, for a man, tends to open you more to wanting intimacy again.  For her, being held in the nurturing position tends to open her heart centre again and by touching her sexual centre with your leg, reverses her normal reactive behaviour to close down sex to you in time of conflict.

Step 2:

Use the breath to let go of any tension. If you are very upset you will find that you will be tensing your body and holding your breath or you will feel your partner doing this. Breathe in with a long, deep breath through the nose and then sigh as you breathe out through the mouth –ahh! Repeat this at least 10 times, co-ordinating your breaths if you can; otherwise make sure you are both doing the deep breathing. Never allow just one of you to be doing it; both must participate.

As you breathe out let go of any anger, resentments or the need to be right. Release all tension in the body, especially in the jaw, neck and shoulders. As you continue with the breathing, allow your mind to quieten, allow the inner chatter about the argument to be dismissed. Take your awareness instead to the contact points between your physical bodies, especially your heart being open – feeling love, compassion, caring and forgiveness. Feel the warmth of your partner’s hand on your heart centre. Now focus on nurturing your partner like a child who has been hurt. Focus on that part of her that you really love beyond the part that has upset you.

Partner B ( your lover in this case), focus on being nurtured and cared for and then shifts her attention to her hand on your heart, healing it and opening you more to love again. If it feels appropriate she can gently move her hand from your heart centre to your sexual centre, gently cupping this area for a few minutes, while you keep your hand on your heart centre. This allows harmony between the emotions and physical sexuality to develop once more. You now exchange roles with your partner, gently repositioning before beginning. You need to spend al least five minutes in each role for it to be effective.

Step 3:

Both turn and face each other and hold each other naturally without your ands holding the heart or sexual chakras. Continue to breathe and let go, but do not say anything. Gaze gently into each other’s eyes with love and compassion while tuning into your own “higher self”, where having to be right or having to win the argument is not important. What is important is to keep eye contact and be soft, vulnerable and see the part of your beloved that wants to be loved and wants to love. Act as healers for each other, showing compassion, care and concern for your relationship.

Keep breathing gently and after a minute or so and when appropriate, one says “I’m sorry (we were fighting). I love you”. The other listens, breaths in and internally accepts this. Then she says “I’m sorry too and I love you.” Finish with a hug or a kiss.

It is most important not to say anything like” I forgive you, but next time..” This would blow the whole process. You may as well not have done it in the first place. Do not talk about the issue, just hug and kiss and suggest a cup of tea or a walk. Maybe several hours later or the next day you can return and deal with the issue. Dealing with it immediately after the Bonding Process is dangerous because you are very open and sensitive when you have trusted enough to say “sorry”.

After you have completed this process, you may not even need to discuss the issue again because you will find that the re-established harmony and balance may well provide a new viewpoint or attitude. If you do discuss it, you may come up with other solutions to the problem which you may not have reached while in a reactive mode.

In reality, neither of you are perfect. You both contributed to the disharmony in some way. By looking within and forgiving and by balancing the energies between you, very often circumstances begin to change.

The Power of Surrender

What you are doing in these three steps is surrendering your ego and honouring your true feelings to keep the sexual passion and loving bond between you alive. Surrender is not compromise. Surrender is letting go totally and giving over to a truth higher than yourself. In this case, the bonding of your relationship becomes the highest truth, not you winning the argument or allowing your beloved wants and needs to be more important than your own. It is important to honour your truth, your needs and wants. Surrendering is a powerful thing to do. Once the energy is balanced it is more likely that a solution will be found to whatever caused the disharmony in the first place.

Author:  Diane Riley,

If you enjoyed reading this article, please like us on facebook, and read our archives, articles  and commentary.